I am sorry it is taking so long for me. I can’t explain the emotions, the confusion, the feeling of loss.” She put her chin on his chest. “If this could happen to me, with all the sexual experience I have, I can’t even imagine what an innocent virgin, never before touch would be going through after something like that.” She was quiet for a while, just looking at him. “Joe, honestly, am I overreacting to this do you think? Have I made too much of this?”“They are your feelings, Nikki. They are your honest feeling, reactions. Trust that you are not the type of person to wallow in self-pity or seek attention by playing emotions. Your emotional reaction is yours. Not to be denied. Not to be covered with false happiness and pretend activities of diversion. Emotions occur for a reason. A reason that is deep inside you. And those emotions must be confronted, analyzed, identified, and dealt with. You are doing that. You are processing. Nikki, I am proud of you. We all are. I wouldn’t minimize. Unlike his brother Giles, who had always shown him the most attention, Hamon had nothing to fall back on. He had to make his own way in life. And so he joined different households and spent most of his time abroad, travelling, making money and forging his own career. Giles hadn’t had much to do with the young Hamon, there being twelve years between them. By the time Hamon was a young lad, Giles was off on crusade and making a name for himself on the jousting and tourney circuit. If the two brothers were back home at the same time, Giles always made a point of being friendly to Hamon and showing him respect, even though he was illegitimate. There was familial loyalty between them and they had an arrangement. Giles thought it wise to keep deferential bonds with others, especially family members. It was always a very pragmatic thing to keep people close to you, working together to ensure the safety of one another. Though one always had to be careful of who he trusted and kept company.
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